In the last few days, I have been asked what I call, "The Big Question!" Many thoughts of what that question might be, may be running around in your mind. Okay, I will let you in on what that question is.
"ARE YOU OKAY?"
Now you maybe saying, that is not a Big Question. That is a simple question. It is asked everyday by many people of many different people. Just because it has been and is asked, doesn't mean it is an easy question to answer.
I have in the past found myself not asking people that question because there are times, I don't want to stop and take the time to hear the answer or even pretend that I care when then the answer is given. I have felt that if I ask someone that, I need to stop, focus and listen. If I don't then I feel that I must not care about that person and what they are going through,
Conversely, I have been struck with the fact that in the last two days, I have stopped counting at 45 times that I have been asked The Big Question only to find that the person asking wasn't interested in hearing how I really was doing. They were either being courteous but not able to, willing to or just didn't wait to hear the answer. In at least 5 of those times I was asked the question and the person asking, answered how I was doing and assumed that all was great despite my honest answer. A couple of times that I was asked and shared how I was doing and feeling, the individuals said that it couldn't be and that there was no way, that I was really feeling those feelings.
Now I am not trying to whine, I am only thinking and processing, when we ask The Big Question, do we really and truly want to know the answer? Do we ask to just be polite? Do we want to help shoulder the burden they may share with us?
So, I am challenging myself to rethink when I ask the question I need to be sure I want to hear the answer and do what I can to help with the response and the responder. Also, I may need to find a different question to ask if I am just being polite, pleasant and creating small talk.
I am thankful that my wife when she asks me, really wants to know. She has asked me a few times this week and has stopped, listens, prayed and then offered advise. Thanks for that Babe!! I am honored that you care, share and are there for me.
Just a thought I have been pondering...any thoughts or responses? Would love to hear them.
1 comment:
The "How are you?" question works the same way for me. I am most disappointed when someone asks and I feel I can really tell them and then their eyes indicate they are looking for someone else to talk to. (This happens most often at church which just deepens the hurt.)
The good thing that comes from these negative experiences is that I am sensitive to using the question and when I ask, I take time to listen to the answer, focusing my eyes on that person as they speak.
I assumed I was the only one who experienced this reaction to the "Big Questions". Glad to know I am not alone.
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